And that’s when the fight started One  year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next  year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked  me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started.....         _________________________________ My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to  her and said, 'Do you want to have  Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look  at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started...              _______________________________ My  wife and I were sitting at a table at her high  school reunion, and she kept staring at a  drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know  him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old  boyfriend.  I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago,  and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My  God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And that’s when the fight  started...           ________________________________ My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And that's when the fight  started.....           ________________________________ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And that's when the fight  started.....           ______________________________ My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom  mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.  I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And that's when the fight  started.....           ____________________________ I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' And that's when the fight  started..... Links to previous Funnies